infidelity

people who cheat will always be caught. and i got caught. it was written all over me. no matter how hard i tried to hide it, everyone could see what i did, plain as day.

i've been going to the same beauty parlor (parlor, not salon) for the past 10 years and connie has been cutting my hair these 10 years. when connie went on a long leave because she was pregnant, my hair grew to scary proportions. when i moved to bontoc for one year, i only got to get my hair cut one time that year. when i went through that shaved-head period of my life, connie and the rest of the beauty parlor people were very loving and supportive and understood why i had to do it, no questions asked.

then i cheated on them.

i was having a bad time with my life three weeks ago and i really needed to get a haircut to bring a bit of sanity back into my life. it was a monday and i knew it was connie's day off but i knew i had to cut my hair or i will die. so i went to another salon where i didn't know a soul and had them take off a good two inches off my hair.

and i looked mutt ugly.
mutt ugly.
which is uglier than butt ugly.
butt ugly would have been acceptable.
mutt ugly caused people at work to look at me five seconds longer than was polite and give me a look that said "i understand, you're having a difficult life and we understand why you want to uglify yourself like that."

so over the weekend, i went back to my beauty parlor because i couldn't bear to live another day looking mutt ugly. connie , bless her forgiving heart, took one look at my hair, gave a bit of a shrug and confronted me with the accusing query "nagpagupit ka sa iba, no?" i couldn't deny it, the stupid rotten-mushroom shape my hair had taken was a dead giveaway. so i meekly admitted my infidelity and promised to never, never let anyone else touch my hair again.

pacified with my pathetic reply to her question, connie proceeded to make me look slightly fabulous again, and to make me feel doubly guilty for cheating on her, she shaved and shaped my eyebrows for free.

moral of the story -- no matter how bad life gets, never cheat on the person who cuts your hair. you know you can never get away with it.

i am a hysterical and a neurotic fan

The most unbelievable thing happened to me last night. I finally got to meet a guy I was in love with 18 years ago. And I find out I am in love with him still. He’s 46 now, but he’s still as hot now as he was 18 years ago.

His name is Randy Santiago. Yes, the Randy Santiago of the sunglasses and the noontime variety shows

What was supposed to be a quiet dinner with my Bunny friends in Teriyaki Boy became a flighty, slightly hysterical meal complete with flashbulbs popping and breathless babbling and downright adolescent behavior so totally unbecoming of a woman of my age and stature. (Age and stature be damned! It’s Randy Santiago, the object of my countless tweenage fantasies!)

All I wanted was a photo with him. So after a lot of pushing and encouragement (read: buyo and gatong) from my friends, I took a deep breath and summoned all my resources of blind (and a bit stupid) courage, stood up walked over to Randy Santiago, and proceeded to act like a ditz.

See transcript of our conversation below.

Lissa the Ditz (in a slightly high-pitched and breathless voice): Hi I’m really sorry to bother you, I don’t really do this and I know I’m disturbing your dinner but I just had to come over (I was medyo babbling at this point)… I loved you when I was 12 (Aaaaack Jeezuz what the hell am I thinking?) and …… (I trailed off into brainless muttering)…

Randy Santiago (bless his heart, he was so kind and gracious and must be used to blathering idiots fawning over him all the time): No, no it’s no trouble at all. Please have a seat (pats the seat beside him and actually invited me to sit with him!!!) So how old are you now?

LtD : I’m 30 now, am medyo old na.

RS: E ako, am 46 na. (How can he be 46? That gorgeous hunk of humanity) Where do you work?

LtD : (I had to pause for a while because for the life of me, I could not remember where I worked)

And the conversation went on for a few more minutes, but I could not remember a whole lot because my brain was screaming “I’m sitting in a booth with Randy Santiago and we are having a regular conversation like regular people!!!!” When I felt I was about to implode, I stood up and said as graciously as I could “It was very nice meeting you, I don’t want to keep you from whatever else you’re supposed to do. You’re a good sport and it was really nice meeting you" (I keep repeating myself. Gawd) And I slink away.

Half an hour later, when things have returned to normal and I started acting like a normal human being again, Randy Santiago dropped by our table. To say hi to my friends. To say goodbye. And to give me one last opportunity for me to make a fool of myself. I gave him my business card. Gawd, I’m an idiot!

I had the biggest crush on him 18 years ago, and even after 18 years of growing up and living life, I am still every bit the neurotic and hysterical fan I was when I was 12. Only Randy Santiago can do that to me. Bless him for being the most gracious and kind and understanding star in the world.

tales from the loony bin year 1

the loony bin's a year old.

i survived it when the basket dropped last year, and what a year it's been.

thank God for the loony bin... it saved my life.